The Breastfeeding Bible

I will start out saying I am not a lactation consultant and am in no way a professional! But, I have been nursing my twins for over 9 months so I have learned a thing or two about breastfeeding! In this blog I will post everything and I mean EVERYTHING I know about breastfeeding.  I will talk about how I prepared, how I struggled and how I succeeded. There are so many topics I want to cover so this may get long! I promise it is filled with MUST KNOW information if you are looking to breastfeed your baby!

Before baby arrives

Before baby I would recommend taking a breastfeeding class. There was one offered at my local health department, and I learned a lot! If you can't find a class or don't have the time, don't worry! I will mention all the good stuff!

Invest in a nice padded nursing bra and a couple to sleep in! I know, bras at bedtime are torture! But I promise you it will be better than waking up to soaking wet sheets and breasts that hang and hurt due to milk and gravity!

Nursing pads! Because leaky boobs remember??

I bought lanolin cream for sore chapped nipples. I never used it though! I found that self expressing my milk helped the most.

Breastfeeding pillow! I could not have survived the first 4 months without my GIANT Twins Breastfriend Pillow. I found that same company makes a breastfeeding pillow for singletons too! Shop it here! It will save your shoulders and back, plus give you a little more freedom! At least you will have a free hand to change the channel and drink your water! You'll be thirsty and trapped!

Breast pump! Even if you plan on exclusively breastfeeding, this pump was a necessity! I was able to store milk in the freezer and keep up supply. When I notice supply is dropping I can spend some extra quality time with my pump! Romantic for a Friday night huh?!  Plus, if you ever want to be away from your baby for more than 2-3 hours you may want to have some milk on hand!

I didn't buy nursing clothes. I couldn't find any that didn't look like nursing clothes if that makes sense? I bought a few button up tops. (Easy to unbutton) and a dress that had an elastic collar (easy to pull down, even on both sides!) To be honest though, I basically lived in my nursing bras and t-shirts the first few weeks, even though I should've just went TOPLESS!  At least I had cute nursing friendly outfits for doctors visits and family outings!

At the Hospital

I brought nursing bras, pads, lanolin cream, and my giant pillow to the hospital. Because of tiny hospital beds and a very sore incision, I wasn't able to use my pillow, and I wasn't able to tandem feed. That's alright! We soon got the hand of it! As I mentioned before, I never used the lanolin cream, but the nursing bras and pads came in handy! 

My milk started to come in on the third day at the hospital. We left on the fourth day and my milk was definitely in!! My boobs were massive! Throw on a bra for support and some pads to catch all that extra milk!

First Feeding: 

Refresh on your basics if it's been a while since you took that BF class! Remember nose to nipple, this way baby opens nice and wide and has a nice deep latch.  Also remember belly to belly.  (meaning your babies belly touching yours)  Have you ever tried to swallow with your head turned sideways?  It's not the easiest especially for a brand new baby!

One of my twins spent a couple hours in the NICU to clear out her lungs, so I got some alone time to nurse Auri.  I will never forget the way she nuzzled right into my breast and latched on. She was so alert and her big giant eyes stared at me! It was the most amazing feeling ever! It was weird I will add, the weirdest most amazing feeling ever! 

Then Ellie came to the room and tried to nurse. It wasn't the same. I knew they must've fed her. Even though I had asked them not to. If she was hungry and I wasn't there I guess I understand! I wish it would've been different because that magical moment of that first alert, amazing, feeding was stolen from me! I never experienced that with Ellie at the hospital. Not even until a few days into our home did her and I get to successfully nurse! It was so frustrating!

To top it off, none of the feedings after with Auri were that magical either. She was so tired and weak. She wouldn't want to stay awake long enough, and couldn't suck hard enough to let down any colostrum. So there I was, spending 10-15 minutes trying to nurse one. Then 10-15 minutes trying to nurse the other. Then 15 minutes of pumping. Then feeding them both with a stupid colostrum filled syringe which took a while because heaven forbid you spill a drop! There was over an hour gone trying to feed my babies "unsuccessfully". Sure they ate, but they didn't nurse. They will probably be hungry in another hour and we will start the process over again... it was draining to say the least.

I wish someone had told me that even though that first feeding would be magical, that didn't mean it would always be easy! Or that someone would have told me that even though Ellie and I didn't get that wonderful first feeding together, that we would still be successfully breastfeeding 9 months later. So don't give up! The first week was a horror story! The next week a less tragic love story! But it got easier, then it got hard, then it got easy again! Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't give up!

Ask for HELP if you need it

I had the lactation consultant in my room every day. I am sure they were all tired of me and especially my boobs! I wanted to breastfeed so bad I was taking full advantage of any resources while I was there surrounded by nurses (who were also mothers). There should be a lactation consultant in your area if you are struggling with latch or ANYTHING at all! But don't be ashamed to ask another mother you know who has dealt with similar experiences! My grandma, mother in law, sister in laws and my own aunts are all nurses, and they all breastfed their babies! So I would breastfeed right in front of them and ask them to check latch or burp this baby while I feed this one, or help try I different tandem feeding position. I am not shy though and my babies and I only benefited from it!  I am grateful because I was given so much advice and offered so much help that I was successful in nursing my twins! (Where's my gold star??) Truth be told, I could have never done it without the guidance and help of these wonderful women placed in my life!

When you get home

Set up a nursing station asap if you haven't already! I had a certain spot on the couch where my giant pillow stayed. Diapers were there too for easy changes. Breast Pump, burp rags, water, snacks, books and TV remote. I spent so much time in that spot that I am REALLY glad we aren't able to use the pillow anymore.. I have freedom to nurse where ever I want! This permanent station really was a necessity the first 6 months though! You don't want to sit down to nurse and realize you are thirsty (because you will be!!) and have no water. Or the remote is across the room and you are stuck for 20 minutes just listening to your baby nurse.  Or on second thought, maybe leaving the remote across the room wouldn't be the worst thing in the world!

Give yourself time to get it right

Like I mentioned before, it took Ellie and I a while to establish breastfeeding. She preferred the bottle because it was so easy! I don't blame her! Had I had just that one stubborn baby, I would've wound up pumping and bottle feeding guaranteed. But I was successfully feeding one baby and I was NOT about to go through the torture of nursing one, pumping and bottle feeding. HELL NO! So I remember being left alone with the twins when they were just 6 days old and I had just finished nursing Auri because I couldn't tandem feed yet. It was Ellie's turn and she fought me! Just screamed at my breast for what seemed like hours! In reality it was only 10 minutes. I stood up with her and heated up milk. Got it all ready and let her have a sip, then tricked her into latching onto me! This had to happen a couple times in order for her to accept it, but she finally did! Every baby is different, this I know first hand!  Allow yourself more time to try and get things right!  I couldn't Tandem Feed until about 4-6 weeks.  Meaning I took turns feeding babies for A LONG TIME.  I gave myself time to heal and I am so glad I was patient enough to wait!

This is 10000000% the truth!!

Let's talk pumping

After every nursing session, I would pump for 15 minutes! Time consuming I know! I told you before that I am REALLY glad I am no longer stuck in that corner to nurse for 20 minutes and pump for 15 more! BUT I wish I would've kept up pumping for longer! I felt to burned out after that first month of nursing and my twins were successfully breastfeeding EVERY 2 hours. I should've really been TOPLESS because I got about one hour where I could have a shirt on! So between 6-8 weeks I cut back on pumping, only doing it morning and night. Then only when I needed a bottle (Which my girls wouldn't take and I set myself up for that being so stubborn about nursing!) My supply plummeted! I had an over supply just like most women and I though I had more then enough to feed them. And for a while I did!! But come 4 months old, I was having to figure out what worked to boost my supply again! My advice??  Keep pumping and you will keep up supply!

Boosting supply!!

Pump remember?!?!?

 Also, drink water and lots of it!!  Breast milk is mostly water, so think about it, if you don't have enough water in your body, you won't make enough milk for your baby! I preferred Gatorade because it has electrolytes and actually tastes good! My favorite is the blue and I noticed drinking Gatorade actually helped just like water!  Dark beer, which I do NOT like, also helps boost supply.  I tried it a couple times, but I can't stand the taste.  It did help though!

Oatmeal or whole grain foods will also help. Lots of protein! This was my main focus along side staying hydrated!

If you are needing an extra boost, like I do with my twins, then fenugreek will be your best friend!! The bottle says take 3, and I was a rebel and would take 8! Not at a time though. Take 3 with breakfast, 2 with lunch and 3 with dinner! When you wake up the next morning I PROMISE you will see a huge difference in how much milk you have! It is a difference you can literally feel!

Power pumping:  This process is supposed to mimic your baby during a growth spurt! Remember that romantic Friday evening with my pump I was talking about? This is it!  Pump for 15-20 minutes or until you have a let down and empty out! Wait 10 minutes and pump 10 minutes! Wait ten minutes and pump again for 10 minutes! Wait ten minutes and repeat! It should take about an hour in total and you may not have extra milk at all, but this will help increase it. Repeat the power pumping another day if you need and see if there is any difference.

Pumping vs. Nursing!

I was wanting to boost supply and thought if I pumped instead of nursed it would help increase it because I could control how long and see how much I had! This wasn't the case for me. I wasn't a great pumper. If I looked at a picture of my babies I noticed it would help! Cheesy I know but something about that release of hormones helped me let down more milk! DO NOT REPLACE FEEDINGS WITH PUMPING! It will only lower your supply because your pump does have the same suck as your baby. Your mind knows the difference and you will start making less milk. Instead, just add pumping session after nursing again, or during their nap, or early morning and night. But don't take nursing sessions away!

Breastfeeding Pains

Like I mentioned before, I did not use any creams for sore nipples. Instead I self expressed and it helped so much! Women swear by lanolin cream though if you need something a little more strong and medicated, and it is safe for you baby! 

I was lucky enough to only experience a clogged duct one time! It only lasted a day and I was so glad when it finally unclogged itself! Such a relief! I tried nursing nonstop all day on that side to unclog it, but it never helped. So I got into a nice hot bath, laid my best sucker (Ellie) down on the bed and kneeled over her on all fours... backwards! I did this because I had read that wherever your clog is, you should angle it towards your babies chin. Also, gravity can only help at this point! I realize this is a visual of myself I don't want to engrave in people's minds, so I will just leave it at that! But, it helped and I felt my clogged duct become unclogged and I felt like a (slightly) more normal milk cow! Clogged ducts can turn to mastitis so make sure to try and unclog it right away!

I never had mastitis and I wouldn't know the first thing about it!  But, I bet Google does.  Or your mom.  Or your grandma.  Or your lactation consultant.  I am sorry that I am not much help in this department, but not really.  I DO NOT want to experience that and am grateful I never had to.  I hear it is awful! 

My babies have teeth and I have been bit a time or two.  I will unlatch that baby and put her away from me.  After some tears shed and feeling hurt I will let her try to nurse again.  Luckily, they normally won't do it again!  They associate biting with not being able to nurse and they understand fairly well at almost 10 months!  I think the biting comes out of boredom, waiting for a let down or there is no milk left anyway! 

Breastfeeding JOYS

Breastmilk is proven to be the BEST source of nutrients for your baby.  It offers everything they need PLUS antibodies to help fight off sickness! Every antibody that your body has made to fight off colds and flus will be passed on to your baby!  I have heard it referred to as their FIRST immunizations. I have been blessed with two VERY healthy babies.  A cold might have hit our house, but nothing compared to the STREP and RSV I have been seeing.  I guarantee it is because of breastmilk!

You have to feed your baby anyway.  You need to hold your baby anyway (propping up a bottle for a baby is NOT advised and will cause ear infetcions!)  WHY go through the extra time of making a bottle?  It is the most amazing feeling to grab a baby or two, and cart them right back to bed with me.  I remained a zombie and didn't have to fuss around with making TWO bottles at 3 am.  

There is such a special bond that you build.  They need you!  No one else.  While at times it felt like a very hard job and a lot of responsibility, kind of like pregnancy, I was the only one who could offer that to my babies and it felt nice knowing that I am irreplaceable to my girls!

If you read clear to the end, you my dear deserve a GOLD STAR!  This was a long one and I still am debating whether I left out anything!  I hope you found this helpful but remember to take advice with a grain of salt.  What works for me might not work for you.  Good luck breastfeeding, it is definitely the HARDEST part of being a new mom.  

How to be a SuperMom

I often find myself getting compliments on "being a supermom", and I get it!  I walk into a room looking like I need an extra arm, leg and foot, yet always have a mile on my face!  But "supermom??  Unless you mean a TOTAL MOM (I mean look at me!) I can't help but laugh at what people might imagine my life would be like.  I hope it is far from perfect!  If only you guys knew the real world I live in.  As I sit here typing this I can see laundry piled on my couch, high chairs that haven't been cleaned all weekend, toys scattered all about, and thank GOODNESS there is not a mirror in front of me.  My mom bun is falling out from yesterday evening and I am still in pajamas.  I will take being a "supermom" as a compliment any day!  I might even give it the title of "The Greatest Compliment Ever"!! But if you are reading this and feeling like you ARE NOT a supermom.  Like you have failed already on this Monday; I want to shed some light on my real life and the real expectations you should hold yourself accountable for as a mom.

1. Change your babies bum!  First thing I did that morning was change those soggy stinky bums! If you did that today, you are one heck of a mom!  It needed to be done and no one else was going to do it.  You did it even if you didn't want to because you knew you had to.  Because you are someone's provider, protector and MOTHER!  That job alone in itself is super!  

2. Feed your babies!  I nursed my babies this morning, fed them vanilla pudding for breakfast, and then gave them a bottle of formula (or tried) to go to bed.  Obviously I can't judge anyone and wouldn't claim to be "supermom"!  I did what I had to do in order to survive.  Sure, the vanilla pudding was a new one, but they loved it and so did I.  It was a win-win!  Sometimes for meals I will feed them homemade organic baby food I made myself!  On days like that, I give myself an extra pat on the back (or cookie and soda because yay healthier choices right?!)  Do I feel any WORSE that I fed my babies pudding for breakfast opposed to the mango puree in my freezer?  NO!  I will not be hard on myself for WHAT I feed my kids and neither should you!  My job as their mom, even as a "supermom" is to feed them.  That's it.  The breast, a bottle, a pudding cup, or organic baby food.  If you fed your child today, no matter what it was... YOU, my dear, are a SUPERMOM!

3. Love your babies!  This one is the easiest and sometimes the hardest!  It is so easy for me to love a giggling, happy baby.  But I can also find myself overwhelmed and consumed by baby cries and needs.  It can become hard to comfort, love, and soothe that same sweet angel who now twists and turns and pushes and cries in my arms!  It is my job as a mom to check that numbers 1 and 2 are done.  Then all I can do is love you! 

4. Let your babies love you!  For now, I will let them crawl into my lap and play with my hair.  I will let them show me new tricks and use me as a stepping stool.  I will let them blow raspberries on my arm and claw out my eyes as they examine my face.  These are the ways my babies love me!  Though, lately I have been getting big sloppy wet kisses and they are my FAVORITE!  Someday when they get even bigger, I hope they draw me pictures and want to turn my nap time alone on the couch into a giant cuddle session.  I hope they make me breakfast that tastes terrible and homemade cards with glitter left EVERYWHERE to clean.  Because those moments are how they show me they care, love, and appreciate me.  Let them make those messes and ruin those naps.  Try and find the beauty in those moments instead of the burdens. 

5. Try (Notice I keep using the word "try" a lot!  No one is perfect!) and stay happy all day!  I try and always wake up with a smile on face and singing a little song.  It makes the mornings feel fresh and new!  I have learned as a mom, that kids can ruin great moods and fast!  I wanted to be productive this morning and drink coffee.  Make us all waffles and write down to-do lists!  Sometimes my kids don't have the same mindset.  They wanted to snuggle and nurse on the couch for twenty minutes.  Then they fought over toys and I had to intervene.  Then they get into EVERYTHING all the time and cry when I tell them no.  These times though, are fleeting moments of being overwhelmed like I mentioned before.  I refer to number 3 or 4, and stop what I am doing to see what I can do to calm the whole house down and lift all our spirits.  Sometimes I break and we all end up being mad at each other for a bit because no one is HAPPY anymore.  When the twins aren't happy, I'm not happy, and NO ONE is going to be happy.  So being the problem-solver that I am, I try and come up with solutions.  How can I most easily fix the problem and restore happiness back into the home?  If you are a mom who tries to keep her entire house happy (an impossible job), then YOU are a supermom!

I hope that this has shed some light onto the fact that I am definitely not the poster person for "supermom" but I will be damned if someone says I don't do my best!  Today's best just happened to be a pudding cup, because it's Monday, don't judge me!  I hope you enjoyed a refreshing view on motherhood from my eyes, and accepted the fact that we all are indeed SUPERMOMS!  We keep the future of America alive all day... What do you do??

Body After Baby... or Two!

I don't think I am the only only one who has heard, "Give yourself 9 months to bounce back." So here I am, 9 months Postpartum, and I wouldn't say I have bounced back yet.  Sure, I have lost the weight gained plus some.  Because, well, nursing twins kind of sucks the life right out of you!  But, I am still saggy and flabby in the middle.  I am tiger striped from my boobs to my knees, I kid you NOT!  Here's a secret that little people know about me. 

I've spent far too long being upset over my body.

So goodbye "give yourself 9 months rule." You don't apply to me. My body will never recover from the extra weight I gained. Sure I've lost it, but there are stretch marks to prove that the weight still existed. I carried over 11 pounds of baby and two placentas (Which means double ALL the weird fluids). I had gained a total of 50 lbs. And measured OVER 40 weeks pregnant. No amount of time is going to erase that. It's my story. Part of my history. Those stretch marks and elephant wrinkly skin.  My annoying umbilical hernia and C-section scar.  These are the tattoos I didn't ask for and ones that can't be removed.

Wow.  That was a lot of complaining.  I promise I am trying to not be upset and find the beauty in it. I see the value in those stretch marks and I count my blessings with a sigh.

I don't want to be so vain.

I don't want my daughters to remember me pinching at my extra fat and complaining in the mirror.  I don't want them to see that I value beauty above all things.  Because I don't.  I don't want them to hear the rude names I have called myself or see the tears that have been shed over useless crap, like stretch marks and flabby skin.  To be honest, it's embarrassing.  I've had a lot of embarrassing moments being a mom, and being so self-centered, vain, and insecure is one of those.

My poor husband.

I can recall countless times when he tried to wrap his arms around my middle, and I flinched away.  I ruined what could have been such a beautiful moment between husband and wife.  My own husband admiring my role as a new mom, taking me into his arms, and I pushed him away because he was "touching my fat".  What a horrible thing to do.  What a horrible thing I did to myself.  It happened too many times to count.  Enough times that I noticed my husband no longer grabbed me around my middle.

One night, while laying in bed, my husband was "trying to get me in the mood" lets say.  He softly tickled my back, arms, and legs, because he knows I like it.  I couldn't help but notice the parts he skipped.  I didn't even have to ask why.  I knew why.  He didn't dare touch my stomach because he knew I'd flinch away.  So, I just started sobbing.  Hysterically.  Out of no where and scared the SHIT out of my husband.  This moment, being one of the most embarrassing moments in my marriage of all time.  I couldn't be calmed down.  I just wanted to cry, and cry, and shoulder sob about what I had done to myself.  What I had done to my husband.  And maybe cry a little more because I wasn't quite feeling sexy, or in the mood, or even like my body at all! I'll admit, I would have freaked out too if he had done that out of the blue.  But men are a totally different story!

Since that moment it has gotten a little better.  I won't run past mirrors.  I won't say rude things about myself aloud.  I DEFINITELY don't flinch away from my husband when he grabs me around the middle.  

I never wish that feeling of "ugliness" on anyone.  If anything, I want more women to be open and honest of their body after baby.  Self-confidence is such a private struggle.  Always compliment one another, empower one another, and sometimes just listen to one another.  (Like when they rant about their body after baby.)  You never know what anyone else is going through.  Or even what they may look like underneath!  I want to thank all of you for the love and support you have shown me.  I love that I have created a place that feels safe and real to share my journey.  

The USA to UK: Labor Edition!!!

It was such a scary moment watching the ultrasound tech take measurements and asking questions.  I knew what I was seeing, Baby A was small.  Like 34 weeks small even though I was 36 weeks!  I was nervous for her.  Scared for her.  Did I do something wrong?  Mom guilt is real from the moment you become pregnant.  The doctor finally explained the situation.  Baby A was small and Baby B was breech.  There was a small chance that Baby A would carve the path so to speak, and Baby B could be pulled out by the feet, what they called breech extraction.  It would be best to opt for a C-section because it was safest for both babies.  The doctor wanted to double check measurements at Utah Valley, where I had also received ultrasounds, but it wasn't an emergency situation even though it felt like it!  My baby might have stopped progressing but her fluids looked great.  Her heartbeat was strong.  I wanted to be seen that day, that minute!  I wanted answers, I wanted them both here so I knew they were safe and out of harms way.  I went home that night, being told I couldn't be seen for 2 weeks... hello??  I am already 36 1/2 weeks pregnant with twins!  They wont allow me to go past 38 weeks, but they wont see me for two weeks?  This makes no sense!  These are my babies we are talking about!  This is important!  Someone see me RIGHT NOW!!  So after some calls, and a night of ugly crying over the stress I finally was able to get an appointment for Wednesday, April 20, 2016.  Little did I know it was the twins birthday!

Read the FULL LABOR STORY over at Molly's Blog!  Motherhood starts to get real in this post you guys!  You'll want to read all the nitty gritty details!  

Be sure to check us out next week where we share out MUST HAVES for 0-3 months! Thanks for reading!

Twins 9 MONTH update!!

9 Months In.....  9 Months Out!!

The twins turned 9 months old!! Let me tell you that they have grown so much in the last month! They both are doing different new tricks and I love it! I have one baby who claps and dances while another waves and even says "hiiii!" in the highest cutest voice!!  I love watching their different personalities take bloom!  I am sure they will be in full effect come spring!  I am still wondering where the past 9 months have gone, but when I see how much the girls have grown I start to believe that maybe it really is January and my babies really will be toddlers soon! 

Ellie Perry: 14 lbs and 26 1/4 inches

You, my dear, are my wild child!  I cannot keep up with you and you are braver than I will ever be!  I am so proud of how fun and smart you are!  You can sign milk, more, and wave hi to people you recognize.  If you really like them they will be able to hear the sweetest, highest pitch "hiii" coming from your mouth.  It steals my heart every time!  You have the longest lashes and are a total flirt!  You give kisses and enjoy BOYS most of all!  She is such a Daddy's Girl and I love it! I will take the freedom any chance I can get!  You have two teeth and have gotten hurt for the first time..... then a second time!  I could do a whole blog post about the trauma we have been through in the last month!  You are so close to walking and I can only look forward to more bumps and bruises from you. Who needs a boy when I have a daredevil like you, Ellie Bean??  If you see something you want, you tuck your head and sprint forward breathing happily as you go!  If you want something REALLY bad you will growl at Dad or I for it.  It is the cutest little gremlin growl I have ever heard from a little girl!  I think it is safe to say you are your father's
daughter!

Auri Anne: 15 lbs and 27 inches

You, my dear, are my angel!  You are so independent and play so well (alone).  You can sign milk, clap, and give wet kisses!  I am so proud of how fun and smart you are! You like to steal sister's toys and are easy to please, even though getting you to smile and laugh can be tricky!  You are most entertained by Ellie and she gets the best laughs! You are always twirling your toes and dancing when you hear music! You love the dogs, clap when you see them, and will chase them around the house!  You love mom or dad equally and are my best nurser!  Even though you also have two teeth and have bitten me a time or two! (OUCH!)  You like to watch and learn.  You are more balanced, cautious and safe.  But boy can you move fast!  You only have two speeds and that is 0 or 100!  You are also the loudest of the two, your high pitched squeals can be heard well above sisters cries! If you don't get what you want, you are a force to be reckoned with!  You have a switch that once flipped, everyone better move out of the way! I think it is safe to say you are your mother's daughter!

 First Christmas and New Years!

 It was so fun to have two baby girls to spoil this Christmas.  It was by far our best Christmas as a family yet!  It is crazy to think just how much you have grown since Christmas Day!  You both are learning so much and we love watching you both grow!

The Nelson Cousins

 Santa stopped by!  

We are looking forward to your first Valentine's Day, Superbowl, and Drill Competition!

We can't believe you will soon be walking and talking!

We love you both so much!

The USA to UK: Pregnancy Edition!

I have had so much fun comparing these differences about the routine procedures of pregnancy and labor over in the UK.  I love getting to know Molly and her experience, and also learning about other cultures and customs. Our stories are so different.  Where we live, our pregnancies, and our deliveries. This collaboration could be called Molly versus Brittany.

You see, I was pregnant with twins. I planned and prepared for the NICU life.  I had the babies bags packed, ready to go weeks before I delivered.  My husband and I toured the floor at the hospital we would deliver at and we tried to become accustomed to the idea that I would deliver early and we would live at the hospital for weeks or even months. To our surprise that never happened.  On the other hand, Molly carried one single baby and didn't prepare in any way for such a scary delivery.  Such a scary way to bring a baby into the world, much too early and unprepared.

The biggest difference I could see in our pregnancy care was Midwives in the UK versus Doctors in the US.  This is their normal!  Her visits weren't in giant hospitals with beeping monitors and sick people around, unlike mine where I was sent to see Maternal Fetal Medicine.  Her first ultrasound was at 12 weeks, where mine was at 9.  (I may have been pushy.)  I was surprised to find that her story did not sound too much different than mine. Appointments were spaced out just like ours would be, every 4 weeks with an ultrasound if it was medically necessary.  She was given the same chance to find out gender, and also was able to go to a private ultrasound place to confirm.  Molly didn't have to drink any yucky sugar drink though!  There are no glucose screenings unless there is a medical worry.  Molly is also still on maternity leave and is able to claim up to 39 weeks of PAID leave, and Dad's get two weeks of paternity leave!  The US needs to jump on board!

Just 6 weeks after finding out she was carrying a baby girl, she would be in a hospital bed trying to stay pregnant for just a little bit longer.  Molly has wrote a bit on that scary time and I will share it with all of you.

Molly's Story

When you fall pregnant you're overwhelmed with emotions. Excitement, worry, joy, fear. When you see their little jelly bean silhouette bouncing around on that first scan its amazing and incredible. When you find out if they are pink or blue (if you so wish) its so nerve wrecking but thrilling. I loved finding out I was having a girl, I loved announcing it to our friends and family and I loved being able to get her gorgeous clothes and plan her nursery. I secretly knew I was having a girl all along. I had little to no symptoms of pregnancy! You expect to be throwing up every minute, which I wasn't, and craving odd things like crushed up ice lollies (yum!) which I did. But I couldn't wait to be waddling around with a sticky out belly button protruding from my huge bump wondering if my shoes matched!

Then when you go into labour you expect to feel that same rush of emotions all over again. Excitement, worry, joy and fear. The 'who will he/she look like?', 'is it a boy or a girl?', 'what name shall we call them?'. You never expect to have to worry about their safety or well health. You never expect to be begging with pleading with God and the doctors surrounding you to get your baby here safe and sound. You never expect your labour will take days only to result in them needing to perform an emergency cesarean section. And you never expect it all to happen at 27 weeks of pregnancy.  

I was admitted to hospital at 26+2 weeks of pregnancy with heavy bleeding (ew), was monitored for 3 days as I was 2-3cm dilated when they decided the bleed was 'just something that happens'  and they sent me home. The bleeding became worse the next day and I was rushed back in again the next afternoon. I was kept in under stricter observations for the next 4 days when they suddenly realized the situation was not getting any better, in fact it was worsening. I was now 5cm dilated and everything else had escalated. They didn't have a bed available for my baby to go into in the Neonatal Intensive Care so they made the call to transfer me to a different hospital, 20 miles away. Thus began the end of my pregnancy journey and beginning of my labour.

To all you moms out there who have had the scary experience of delivering prematurely, I admire your strength.  You worried a worry I don't understand.  I passed by tiny babies with transparent skin, tiny toes and round bellies.  I was overwhelmed by emotions and they weren't my babies. I may have prepared for the NICU life, but you can never be prepared for such a thing.  It is life changing to watch your tiny baby fight for life. Molly and her daughter are so strong and have made it through so much already!  Just like many other premature babies, Aria is so healthy and strong.  

My Story

When I found out I was carrying twins, I can honestly say I wasn't thrilled.  Being the realist and worrier that I am, I knew what two babies meant.  This pregnancy was not going to be easy.  I was going to take care of two babies, which wouldn't be easy either.  If you were my husband on the other hand, you heard the word "twins" and was smiling from ear to ear.  If you know my husband, you know his happiness can be contagious.  So while I worried about initially growing two babies and the giant bump that would take over my world, my husband laughed and laughed and laughed.  I asked him about that moment the other day.  I saw two babies on the monitor before the Ultrasound tech said a word.  It was a small flicker of one baby, no two, wait one, no TWO!  I knew what I was seeing before I was told.  There were TWO!  Makes total sense.  I had been so gut wrenching sick and had joked about "there must be two" before!  I wasn't as shocked as I should have been!  I really was so sick and from I read that was a sign.  I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and those two lines were BOLD you guys.  No question about it.  I didn't even take a second test! I really was just joking, though the real joke was on me! 

The Ultrasound Tech said, "I have something to tell you."  I immediately told her to SHUT UP!  Not my best line, I know.  Meanwhile, my husband is sitting next me and has a worried look on his face.  He asks, "Is there something wrong with the baby?" Total heart swoon I know, I smiled and said, "No, there are two babies!"  He laughed like I mentioned and held my hand with both of his.  The really good kind of hand holding!  Recalling that moment with him he says that his laugh was nervous, but I don't believe it for a minute!  He was beaming for days!  From there the scan was a blur.  I kept looking at my husband smiling and watching the tech get measurements after measurements of my beautiful bouncing beans.  I was so in love with my little family!

Like I said before, I was initially worried.  The next words from my mouth after shut up was, "I am going to get HUGE!"  Oh boy, or should I say Oh girls!! I had no idea just how big I would get.  I was sent to high risks doctors after finding out I was pregnant.  I couldn't believe I was 22, healthy, and high risk.  It was a total game changer.  Appointments became more often.  They monitored both babies closely and my worried self started to enjoy all the extra scans.  The attention from my giant belly, the blessings of carrying two babies so well.  I loved being pregnant after the worry and sickness went away.  I felt like after the 20 week scan I could breathe.  Accept that yes, I could grow two babies beautifully and that each passing week was such a huge milestone.

The day was Monday, April 18th 2016.  I went into my ultrasound to find that Baby B (Ellie) was indeed still breech and a C-section would be best.  We also found that Auri hadn't grown since her last scan, while her heartbeat and everything looked beautiful, it was probably time to deliver.  I made it to 36 weeks 5 days and the twins made their arrival on April 20, 2016!  I can't wait to relive that day over again when I share the twins birth story on the blog! 

The Trouble With Twins is...

My twins are finally down for their nap and this mom is taking a huge sigh of relief and tip toeing out the door.  I love my children but they have been testing me lately! I have gone back and forth with writing this post. To some it may seem like a long novel complaining about useless things, but to me it is important that I remember this feeling and write it down. I sometimes feel blessed (or burdened) with double the love (or work).

You see, being a new mom is hard. Waking in the middle of the night, figuring out how to breastfeed, how to soothe your new baby, and you suddenly become this tired, selfless, over worked and underpaid  version of the old you. But having two infants to care for when you are brand new at it?? It has been terrifying! I keep waiting for the time when I can take big sigh of relief, like when the twins are napping, and think to myself I have mastered the art of parenting! Now I will sit back and enjoy!! That time has never come around and I have two 9 month olds!! Where has the time gone? I feel like the best year of my life, or what should've  been, has been swept up and ruined by the fact that I can't seem to feel like I am enough for my girls. Like I said before, I love my children, they are my greatest accomplishments and always will be. There is nothing else I will leave behind in this world but my kids and I take great pride in that. But I can never give them my undivided attention because they are twins, meaning two, and I am just me, only one person! Time is split 50/50. True cuddles means taking turns, because you can't truly cuddle two screaming babies at once. I want to give Auri 100%. I want to give Ellie 100%. I simply can't.

I can recall the time when I stood over both of them crying, trying to decide who was crying worst. Deciding who I was going to pick up and comfort first. Meanwhile listening to a baby who needed me. I rocked and cooed with hands and feet trying to be enough for both of them. I realized I wasn't and I may never be! It was heartbreaking! I cannot tell you how many times I  have faced that same decision, who to pick up first. Too many times to count! Each and every time I feel so terrible. So guilty.  (Why did I pick you up first?? Do I hold you more??) I wish I was more than one person and could give them my all.

It has gotten easier I will admit. Their newborn heads got stronger, I could pick them both up easily.  Breastfeeding got easier and they latched themselves on so I could feed them both at once. They can now follow me from room to room and play together so well.  Hearing them talk and laugh to one another makes my heart so happy.  Makes me realize just how lucky and blessed I am! But, when they both are at my heels crying I can't help but feel so burdened with two babies.

They realize they aren't being held, and they want in on the action too. Crying it out doesn't work when there are two babies in the same room.  I can't lay two sleeping babies down at once. Heaven forbid I get them both asleep in my arms at once, and have to lay them down. This  almost always results in one baby waking and crying and having to repeat the process over again. Why can't  I enjoy the fact that I got them both asleep! The only thought in my mind is how I am going to lay them down!  I pray every day that we stay on the same schedule or it will be back and forth feedings, changes and naps all day! To top it all off, let's share our colds and grow the same teeth at the same time! Twins are crazy hard you guys. I wish them on everyone!!

I can't help but feel like unless you have twins, you don't understand. Unless you had to choose what crying newborn to soothe you wont fully comprehend. Your babies that are a year a part don't count.  Like I said before, I was hesitant to write this because I may rub someone the wrong way. I realized this post was for me, a healthy way to vent, and something I can hopefully overcome and look back on. 

I want to enjoy myself and my kids.  I don't want to keep feeling like time is being taken from me.  I will give them both 100%, even though it won't be at the same time.  I need to accept it. Instead of looking at mom's enjoying their one baby, being jealous that they get to do that, I need to embrace both of my babies, I am blessed enough to have them. Even if while I smother one with kisses I can hear jealous cries in the background.

To any mom's of twins reading this, know that there are mom's who understand the struggle. To any mom's in general, I hope you enjoyed imaging what it would be like to have two little angels (or devils) to take care of.