Twins TEN MONTHS update!

I am starting to wonder where the last 10 months have gone! It feels like yesterday I had them but it also feels like I've known them a lifetime. The passing of time is bittersweet. Spring is fast approaching and I am feeling all the feelings AGAIN! Last winter I was heavily pregnant trying to fast forward to spring, now I am trying to figure out how to slow it down!  I have heard other twin moms say it goes twice as fast, and I have to believe them!  But, I LOVE watching them grow up together.

Opposites attract!  This is for sure!  Auri Anne and Ellie Perry are the greatest duo I have ever seen!  I am sure all twin mamas feel that way!  And you should!  I think their souls mesh perfectly together.  That one couldn't leave heaven with out the other!  They honestly and truly complete each other!  Soul mates for life.  Womb mates as I have seen it put!  These two though, they are opposites in almost every way!  They sleep different, they eat different, they crawl different, they have learned different tricks and prefer different things!  It is crazy to me!  Auri stores all her food in her cheeks.  Ellie swallows everything whole!  Auri wants what Ellie has.  Ellie will go find something different {sometimes it's a different story}.  Auri loves animals.  Ellie could care less.  Ellie understands no.  Auri loves to push it!  Ellie will do something first and Auri will watch her mistakes or success!  Or vice versa.  Ellie did have to learn her dancing skills from sister!  But Auri is watching Ellie climb couches, and she want to join too! 

They are small but they are mighty! Both girls are 5th percentile and below in height and weight,  But their heads are 50%.  I read in an article once that babies with bigger heads are smart.  I will choose to believe that one!  I'm not the only one who chooses what to believe on the internet right??  These girls can pack away some food though! They eat 3 meals a day, nurse 4 times a day, and eat a ton of snacks! They are busy, busy though! Nothing seems to stick to Ellie bean and what rolls Auri has, well, they are tiny and scrumptious!  Just like them!!

They are both still crawling, but Ellie is getting really good at walking! Just yesterday she walked into the kitchen! I turn around to see a two feet tall baby running my way! Please stop!!  She sticks her fishy face out still! I can hear the snorts just thinking about it!  She is a little sound machine!  Motorboats, wet raspberries, loud squeals and giggles!  She has even been growling at me if she is impatient.  So I will growl at her, then she will growl back!  The entertainment with these two!  It doesn't help matters that Auri is watching and learning! Auri loves to watch sister walk and she loves to balance. She can stand without any help for long periods of time! She just hasn't taken a step yet. I don't blame her. Keep crawling little one!

Auri Anne also does the silliest things! She has learned to walk on her knees!  I think she learned it from pushing her walker that way!  It is the cutest thing ever!  So instead of crawling she is moving forward slowly with tiny little knee caps, bouncing the ENTIRE time as she goes! It is hilarious! She thinks so too!  She always gets this proud as punch look in her, and her daddies dimples get me every.single.time!

Speaking of Daddy. Dadadadadadadadada. That's all I am hearing lately! I care for them 24/7 but they seem to like his name better! I know this phase will be short lived so I won't get upset! Call for dad anytime you need. Especially at 3am!

They both are giving kisses now!! This deserves it's own paragraph because 1.  They both kiss different, which I am not shocked about!  I swear they choose to do things differently than sister just because they can!  2.  They are giving kisses to one another!  They both go silent and have to focus so hard on not getting it wrong!  I die every.single.time!  Auri opens her mouth up wide and it seems like she is rooting around!  Which she has always done!  She grabs your face and slobbers ALL over you.  She even makes the cutest little humming noise as she does it!  Ellie on the other hand, puckers up those giant lips of hers and goes in like a professional!  It has made for quite the interesting kissing duo!  It melts my heart that they have so much love and friendship for one another!  They may fight, but at the end of the day they are snuggles up close to one another and sleeping soundly!

Kissing. Dancing. Clapping. Bouncing. Giggling. Knee walking. Real walking. Room exploring. Bath time lovers. Baby signers and big time climbers. Mama cuddles in the morning and 100% daddies girls when he gets home!

I LOVE having twins you guys!  Hearing them talk in their crib in the morning is the highlight of my day! It gives me that extra ten minutes where they entertain each other, and I can throw on some decent clothes or finish up what I am doing!  One of the few benefits of having two!  But oh man, when they get going for the day... they are all over the place!  For now, they always run together, you can hear them both playing where they {maybe} shouldn't be.  Or fighting over one lone sock.  Who knows where the other one is?!?!  I am that hot mess mom.  But my kids don't see it!  At least for now!

These little ones are growing beautifully! I can't believe how smart and ambitious they are.  They are silly when they play together and can entertain each other all day!  For the most part, they do!  Well after I wipe two bums, and feed two babies, and keep two babies from ultimately killing each other!  Or at least causing one to lose an eye!  But really!  How did I get so lucky?? I feel so extremely blessed to have two healthy babies who are growing by leaps and bounds!  I sometimes wonder what life will throw at them. What obstacles they will face and why their spirits are so strong! I can tell already that they will not give up. They will not take no as an answer. They will not conform to my way, or anyone else's!  Together, they can take on the world!  And with how crazy it seems to be lately, I am so glad they have one another!

How to be a SuperMom

I often find myself getting compliments on "being a supermom", and I get it!  I walk into a room looking like I need an extra arm, leg and foot, yet always have a mile on my face!  But "supermom??  Unless you mean a TOTAL MOM (I mean look at me!) I can't help but laugh at what people might imagine my life would be like.  I hope it is far from perfect!  If only you guys knew the real world I live in.  As I sit here typing this I can see laundry piled on my couch, high chairs that haven't been cleaned all weekend, toys scattered all about, and thank GOODNESS there is not a mirror in front of me.  My mom bun is falling out from yesterday evening and I am still in pajamas.  I will take being a "supermom" as a compliment any day!  I might even give it the title of "The Greatest Compliment Ever"!! But if you are reading this and feeling like you ARE NOT a supermom.  Like you have failed already on this Monday; I want to shed some light on my real life and the real expectations you should hold yourself accountable for as a mom.

1. Change your babies bum!  First thing I did that morning was change those soggy stinky bums! If you did that today, you are one heck of a mom!  It needed to be done and no one else was going to do it.  You did it even if you didn't want to because you knew you had to.  Because you are someone's provider, protector and MOTHER!  That job alone in itself is super!  

2. Feed your babies!  I nursed my babies this morning, fed them vanilla pudding for breakfast, and then gave them a bottle of formula (or tried) to go to bed.  Obviously I can't judge anyone and wouldn't claim to be "supermom"!  I did what I had to do in order to survive.  Sure, the vanilla pudding was a new one, but they loved it and so did I.  It was a win-win!  Sometimes for meals I will feed them homemade organic baby food I made myself!  On days like that, I give myself an extra pat on the back (or cookie and soda because yay healthier choices right?!)  Do I feel any WORSE that I fed my babies pudding for breakfast opposed to the mango puree in my freezer?  NO!  I will not be hard on myself for WHAT I feed my kids and neither should you!  My job as their mom, even as a "supermom" is to feed them.  That's it.  The breast, a bottle, a pudding cup, or organic baby food.  If you fed your child today, no matter what it was... YOU, my dear, are a SUPERMOM!

3. Love your babies!  This one is the easiest and sometimes the hardest!  It is so easy for me to love a giggling, happy baby.  But I can also find myself overwhelmed and consumed by baby cries and needs.  It can become hard to comfort, love, and soothe that same sweet angel who now twists and turns and pushes and cries in my arms!  It is my job as a mom to check that numbers 1 and 2 are done.  Then all I can do is love you! 

4. Let your babies love you!  For now, I will let them crawl into my lap and play with my hair.  I will let them show me new tricks and use me as a stepping stool.  I will let them blow raspberries on my arm and claw out my eyes as they examine my face.  These are the ways my babies love me!  Though, lately I have been getting big sloppy wet kisses and they are my FAVORITE!  Someday when they get even bigger, I hope they draw me pictures and want to turn my nap time alone on the couch into a giant cuddle session.  I hope they make me breakfast that tastes terrible and homemade cards with glitter left EVERYWHERE to clean.  Because those moments are how they show me they care, love, and appreciate me.  Let them make those messes and ruin those naps.  Try and find the beauty in those moments instead of the burdens. 

5. Try (Notice I keep using the word "try" a lot!  No one is perfect!) and stay happy all day!  I try and always wake up with a smile on face and singing a little song.  It makes the mornings feel fresh and new!  I have learned as a mom, that kids can ruin great moods and fast!  I wanted to be productive this morning and drink coffee.  Make us all waffles and write down to-do lists!  Sometimes my kids don't have the same mindset.  They wanted to snuggle and nurse on the couch for twenty minutes.  Then they fought over toys and I had to intervene.  Then they get into EVERYTHING all the time and cry when I tell them no.  These times though, are fleeting moments of being overwhelmed like I mentioned before.  I refer to number 3 or 4, and stop what I am doing to see what I can do to calm the whole house down and lift all our spirits.  Sometimes I break and we all end up being mad at each other for a bit because no one is HAPPY anymore.  When the twins aren't happy, I'm not happy, and NO ONE is going to be happy.  So being the problem-solver that I am, I try and come up with solutions.  How can I most easily fix the problem and restore happiness back into the home?  If you are a mom who tries to keep her entire house happy (an impossible job), then YOU are a supermom!

I hope that this has shed some light onto the fact that I am definitely not the poster person for "supermom" but I will be damned if someone says I don't do my best!  Today's best just happened to be a pudding cup, because it's Monday, don't judge me!  I hope you enjoyed a refreshing view on motherhood from my eyes, and accepted the fact that we all are indeed SUPERMOMS!  We keep the future of America alive all day... What do you do??

Body After Baby... or Two!

I don't think I am the only only one who has heard, "Give yourself 9 months to bounce back." So here I am, 9 months Postpartum, and I wouldn't say I have bounced back yet.  Sure, I have lost the weight gained plus some.  Because, well, nursing twins kind of sucks the life right out of you!  But, I am still saggy and flabby in the middle.  I am tiger striped from my boobs to my knees, I kid you NOT!  Here's a secret that little people know about me. 

I've spent far too long being upset over my body.

So goodbye "give yourself 9 months rule." You don't apply to me. My body will never recover from the extra weight I gained. Sure I've lost it, but there are stretch marks to prove that the weight still existed. I carried over 11 pounds of baby and two placentas (Which means double ALL the weird fluids). I had gained a total of 50 lbs. And measured OVER 40 weeks pregnant. No amount of time is going to erase that. It's my story. Part of my history. Those stretch marks and elephant wrinkly skin.  My annoying umbilical hernia and C-section scar.  These are the tattoos I didn't ask for and ones that can't be removed.

Wow.  That was a lot of complaining.  I promise I am trying to not be upset and find the beauty in it. I see the value in those stretch marks and I count my blessings with a sigh.

I don't want to be so vain.

I don't want my daughters to remember me pinching at my extra fat and complaining in the mirror.  I don't want them to see that I value beauty above all things.  Because I don't.  I don't want them to hear the rude names I have called myself or see the tears that have been shed over useless crap, like stretch marks and flabby skin.  To be honest, it's embarrassing.  I've had a lot of embarrassing moments being a mom, and being so self-centered, vain, and insecure is one of those.

My poor husband.

I can recall countless times when he tried to wrap his arms around my middle, and I flinched away.  I ruined what could have been such a beautiful moment between husband and wife.  My own husband admiring my role as a new mom, taking me into his arms, and I pushed him away because he was "touching my fat".  What a horrible thing to do.  What a horrible thing I did to myself.  It happened too many times to count.  Enough times that I noticed my husband no longer grabbed me around my middle.

One night, while laying in bed, my husband was "trying to get me in the mood" lets say.  He softly tickled my back, arms, and legs, because he knows I like it.  I couldn't help but notice the parts he skipped.  I didn't even have to ask why.  I knew why.  He didn't dare touch my stomach because he knew I'd flinch away.  So, I just started sobbing.  Hysterically.  Out of no where and scared the SHIT out of my husband.  This moment, being one of the most embarrassing moments in my marriage of all time.  I couldn't be calmed down.  I just wanted to cry, and cry, and shoulder sob about what I had done to myself.  What I had done to my husband.  And maybe cry a little more because I wasn't quite feeling sexy, or in the mood, or even like my body at all! I'll admit, I would have freaked out too if he had done that out of the blue.  But men are a totally different story!

Since that moment it has gotten a little better.  I won't run past mirrors.  I won't say rude things about myself aloud.  I DEFINITELY don't flinch away from my husband when he grabs me around the middle.  

I never wish that feeling of "ugliness" on anyone.  If anything, I want more women to be open and honest of their body after baby.  Self-confidence is such a private struggle.  Always compliment one another, empower one another, and sometimes just listen to one another.  (Like when they rant about their body after baby.)  You never know what anyone else is going through.  Or even what they may look like underneath!  I want to thank all of you for the love and support you have shown me.  I love that I have created a place that feels safe and real to share my journey.  

Twins 9 MONTH update!!

9 Months In.....  9 Months Out!!

The twins turned 9 months old!! Let me tell you that they have grown so much in the last month! They both are doing different new tricks and I love it! I have one baby who claps and dances while another waves and even says "hiiii!" in the highest cutest voice!!  I love watching their different personalities take bloom!  I am sure they will be in full effect come spring!  I am still wondering where the past 9 months have gone, but when I see how much the girls have grown I start to believe that maybe it really is January and my babies really will be toddlers soon! 

Ellie Perry: 14 lbs and 26 1/4 inches

You, my dear, are my wild child!  I cannot keep up with you and you are braver than I will ever be!  I am so proud of how fun and smart you are!  You can sign milk, more, and wave hi to people you recognize.  If you really like them they will be able to hear the sweetest, highest pitch "hiii" coming from your mouth.  It steals my heart every time!  You have the longest lashes and are a total flirt!  You give kisses and enjoy BOYS most of all!  She is such a Daddy's Girl and I love it! I will take the freedom any chance I can get!  You have two teeth and have gotten hurt for the first time..... then a second time!  I could do a whole blog post about the trauma we have been through in the last month!  You are so close to walking and I can only look forward to more bumps and bruises from you. Who needs a boy when I have a daredevil like you, Ellie Bean??  If you see something you want, you tuck your head and sprint forward breathing happily as you go!  If you want something REALLY bad you will growl at Dad or I for it.  It is the cutest little gremlin growl I have ever heard from a little girl!  I think it is safe to say you are your father's
daughter!

Auri Anne: 15 lbs and 27 inches

You, my dear, are my angel!  You are so independent and play so well (alone).  You can sign milk, clap, and give wet kisses!  I am so proud of how fun and smart you are! You like to steal sister's toys and are easy to please, even though getting you to smile and laugh can be tricky!  You are most entertained by Ellie and she gets the best laughs! You are always twirling your toes and dancing when you hear music! You love the dogs, clap when you see them, and will chase them around the house!  You love mom or dad equally and are my best nurser!  Even though you also have two teeth and have bitten me a time or two! (OUCH!)  You like to watch and learn.  You are more balanced, cautious and safe.  But boy can you move fast!  You only have two speeds and that is 0 or 100!  You are also the loudest of the two, your high pitched squeals can be heard well above sisters cries! If you don't get what you want, you are a force to be reckoned with!  You have a switch that once flipped, everyone better move out of the way! I think it is safe to say you are your mother's daughter!

 First Christmas and New Years!

 It was so fun to have two baby girls to spoil this Christmas.  It was by far our best Christmas as a family yet!  It is crazy to think just how much you have grown since Christmas Day!  You both are learning so much and we love watching you both grow!

The Nelson Cousins

 Santa stopped by!  

We are looking forward to your first Valentine's Day, Superbowl, and Drill Competition!

We can't believe you will soon be walking and talking!

We love you both so much!

The USA to UK: Pregnancy Edition!

I have had so much fun comparing these differences about the routine procedures of pregnancy and labor over in the UK.  I love getting to know Molly and her experience, and also learning about other cultures and customs. Our stories are so different.  Where we live, our pregnancies, and our deliveries. This collaboration could be called Molly versus Brittany.

You see, I was pregnant with twins. I planned and prepared for the NICU life.  I had the babies bags packed, ready to go weeks before I delivered.  My husband and I toured the floor at the hospital we would deliver at and we tried to become accustomed to the idea that I would deliver early and we would live at the hospital for weeks or even months. To our surprise that never happened.  On the other hand, Molly carried one single baby and didn't prepare in any way for such a scary delivery.  Such a scary way to bring a baby into the world, much too early and unprepared.

The biggest difference I could see in our pregnancy care was Midwives in the UK versus Doctors in the US.  This is their normal!  Her visits weren't in giant hospitals with beeping monitors and sick people around, unlike mine where I was sent to see Maternal Fetal Medicine.  Her first ultrasound was at 12 weeks, where mine was at 9.  (I may have been pushy.)  I was surprised to find that her story did not sound too much different than mine. Appointments were spaced out just like ours would be, every 4 weeks with an ultrasound if it was medically necessary.  She was given the same chance to find out gender, and also was able to go to a private ultrasound place to confirm.  Molly didn't have to drink any yucky sugar drink though!  There are no glucose screenings unless there is a medical worry.  Molly is also still on maternity leave and is able to claim up to 39 weeks of PAID leave, and Dad's get two weeks of paternity leave!  The US needs to jump on board!

Just 6 weeks after finding out she was carrying a baby girl, she would be in a hospital bed trying to stay pregnant for just a little bit longer.  Molly has wrote a bit on that scary time and I will share it with all of you.

Molly's Story

When you fall pregnant you're overwhelmed with emotions. Excitement, worry, joy, fear. When you see their little jelly bean silhouette bouncing around on that first scan its amazing and incredible. When you find out if they are pink or blue (if you so wish) its so nerve wrecking but thrilling. I loved finding out I was having a girl, I loved announcing it to our friends and family and I loved being able to get her gorgeous clothes and plan her nursery. I secretly knew I was having a girl all along. I had little to no symptoms of pregnancy! You expect to be throwing up every minute, which I wasn't, and craving odd things like crushed up ice lollies (yum!) which I did. But I couldn't wait to be waddling around with a sticky out belly button protruding from my huge bump wondering if my shoes matched!

Then when you go into labour you expect to feel that same rush of emotions all over again. Excitement, worry, joy and fear. The 'who will he/she look like?', 'is it a boy or a girl?', 'what name shall we call them?'. You never expect to have to worry about their safety or well health. You never expect to be begging with pleading with God and the doctors surrounding you to get your baby here safe and sound. You never expect your labour will take days only to result in them needing to perform an emergency cesarean section. And you never expect it all to happen at 27 weeks of pregnancy.  

I was admitted to hospital at 26+2 weeks of pregnancy with heavy bleeding (ew), was monitored for 3 days as I was 2-3cm dilated when they decided the bleed was 'just something that happens'  and they sent me home. The bleeding became worse the next day and I was rushed back in again the next afternoon. I was kept in under stricter observations for the next 4 days when they suddenly realized the situation was not getting any better, in fact it was worsening. I was now 5cm dilated and everything else had escalated. They didn't have a bed available for my baby to go into in the Neonatal Intensive Care so they made the call to transfer me to a different hospital, 20 miles away. Thus began the end of my pregnancy journey and beginning of my labour.

To all you moms out there who have had the scary experience of delivering prematurely, I admire your strength.  You worried a worry I don't understand.  I passed by tiny babies with transparent skin, tiny toes and round bellies.  I was overwhelmed by emotions and they weren't my babies. I may have prepared for the NICU life, but you can never be prepared for such a thing.  It is life changing to watch your tiny baby fight for life. Molly and her daughter are so strong and have made it through so much already!  Just like many other premature babies, Aria is so healthy and strong.  

My Story

When I found out I was carrying twins, I can honestly say I wasn't thrilled.  Being the realist and worrier that I am, I knew what two babies meant.  This pregnancy was not going to be easy.  I was going to take care of two babies, which wouldn't be easy either.  If you were my husband on the other hand, you heard the word "twins" and was smiling from ear to ear.  If you know my husband, you know his happiness can be contagious.  So while I worried about initially growing two babies and the giant bump that would take over my world, my husband laughed and laughed and laughed.  I asked him about that moment the other day.  I saw two babies on the monitor before the Ultrasound tech said a word.  It was a small flicker of one baby, no two, wait one, no TWO!  I knew what I was seeing before I was told.  There were TWO!  Makes total sense.  I had been so gut wrenching sick and had joked about "there must be two" before!  I wasn't as shocked as I should have been!  I really was so sick and from I read that was a sign.  I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and those two lines were BOLD you guys.  No question about it.  I didn't even take a second test! I really was just joking, though the real joke was on me! 

The Ultrasound Tech said, "I have something to tell you."  I immediately told her to SHUT UP!  Not my best line, I know.  Meanwhile, my husband is sitting next me and has a worried look on his face.  He asks, "Is there something wrong with the baby?" Total heart swoon I know, I smiled and said, "No, there are two babies!"  He laughed like I mentioned and held my hand with both of his.  The really good kind of hand holding!  Recalling that moment with him he says that his laugh was nervous, but I don't believe it for a minute!  He was beaming for days!  From there the scan was a blur.  I kept looking at my husband smiling and watching the tech get measurements after measurements of my beautiful bouncing beans.  I was so in love with my little family!

Like I said before, I was initially worried.  The next words from my mouth after shut up was, "I am going to get HUGE!"  Oh boy, or should I say Oh girls!! I had no idea just how big I would get.  I was sent to high risks doctors after finding out I was pregnant.  I couldn't believe I was 22, healthy, and high risk.  It was a total game changer.  Appointments became more often.  They monitored both babies closely and my worried self started to enjoy all the extra scans.  The attention from my giant belly, the blessings of carrying two babies so well.  I loved being pregnant after the worry and sickness went away.  I felt like after the 20 week scan I could breathe.  Accept that yes, I could grow two babies beautifully and that each passing week was such a huge milestone.

The day was Monday, April 18th 2016.  I went into my ultrasound to find that Baby B (Ellie) was indeed still breech and a C-section would be best.  We also found that Auri hadn't grown since her last scan, while her heartbeat and everything looked beautiful, it was probably time to deliver.  I made it to 36 weeks 5 days and the twins made their arrival on April 20, 2016!  I can't wait to relive that day over again when I share the twins birth story on the blog! 

The Trouble With Twins is...

My twins are finally down for their nap and this mom is taking a huge sigh of relief and tip toeing out the door.  I love my children but they have been testing me lately! I have gone back and forth with writing this post. To some it may seem like a long novel complaining about useless things, but to me it is important that I remember this feeling and write it down. I sometimes feel blessed (or burdened) with double the love (or work).

You see, being a new mom is hard. Waking in the middle of the night, figuring out how to breastfeed, how to soothe your new baby, and you suddenly become this tired, selfless, over worked and underpaid  version of the old you. But having two infants to care for when you are brand new at it?? It has been terrifying! I keep waiting for the time when I can take big sigh of relief, like when the twins are napping, and think to myself I have mastered the art of parenting! Now I will sit back and enjoy!! That time has never come around and I have two 9 month olds!! Where has the time gone? I feel like the best year of my life, or what should've  been, has been swept up and ruined by the fact that I can't seem to feel like I am enough for my girls. Like I said before, I love my children, they are my greatest accomplishments and always will be. There is nothing else I will leave behind in this world but my kids and I take great pride in that. But I can never give them my undivided attention because they are twins, meaning two, and I am just me, only one person! Time is split 50/50. True cuddles means taking turns, because you can't truly cuddle two screaming babies at once. I want to give Auri 100%. I want to give Ellie 100%. I simply can't.

I can recall the time when I stood over both of them crying, trying to decide who was crying worst. Deciding who I was going to pick up and comfort first. Meanwhile listening to a baby who needed me. I rocked and cooed with hands and feet trying to be enough for both of them. I realized I wasn't and I may never be! It was heartbreaking! I cannot tell you how many times I  have faced that same decision, who to pick up first. Too many times to count! Each and every time I feel so terrible. So guilty.  (Why did I pick you up first?? Do I hold you more??) I wish I was more than one person and could give them my all.

It has gotten easier I will admit. Their newborn heads got stronger, I could pick them both up easily.  Breastfeeding got easier and they latched themselves on so I could feed them both at once. They can now follow me from room to room and play together so well.  Hearing them talk and laugh to one another makes my heart so happy.  Makes me realize just how lucky and blessed I am! But, when they both are at my heels crying I can't help but feel so burdened with two babies.

They realize they aren't being held, and they want in on the action too. Crying it out doesn't work when there are two babies in the same room.  I can't lay two sleeping babies down at once. Heaven forbid I get them both asleep in my arms at once, and have to lay them down. This  almost always results in one baby waking and crying and having to repeat the process over again. Why can't  I enjoy the fact that I got them both asleep! The only thought in my mind is how I am going to lay them down!  I pray every day that we stay on the same schedule or it will be back and forth feedings, changes and naps all day! To top it all off, let's share our colds and grow the same teeth at the same time! Twins are crazy hard you guys. I wish them on everyone!!

I can't help but feel like unless you have twins, you don't understand. Unless you had to choose what crying newborn to soothe you wont fully comprehend. Your babies that are a year a part don't count.  Like I said before, I was hesitant to write this because I may rub someone the wrong way. I realized this post was for me, a healthy way to vent, and something I can hopefully overcome and look back on. 

I want to enjoy myself and my kids.  I don't want to keep feeling like time is being taken from me.  I will give them both 100%, even though it won't be at the same time.  I need to accept it. Instead of looking at mom's enjoying their one baby, being jealous that they get to do that, I need to embrace both of my babies, I am blessed enough to have them. Even if while I smother one with kisses I can hear jealous cries in the background.

To any mom's of twins reading this, know that there are mom's who understand the struggle. To any mom's in general, I hope you enjoyed imaging what it would be like to have two little angels (or devils) to take care of.

The USA to UK!

THE USA TO UK

 

I would like to introduce the cutest little mum from the UK! (I secretly want to be called mum too!  Any other moms?)  Molly reached out to me and wanted to collaborate on something together!  She also just started a blog and we thought it would be a great way to get a little jump into the whole thing!  After some talking we decided there was no other option but to compare motherhood in the USA versus the UK! How brilliant! We have come up with a fun little series comparing the differences in all aspects of motherhood!  I am so excited to learn more about Molly's life as a mother in England.  

Miss Molly is 21 and from a small town by Liverpool, England.  She has lived there her whole life and she seems to wish she lived here!  Isn't everything greener on the other side?  Molly met her boyfriend Connor in 2014, and they welcomed a beautiful baby girl, Aria into their lives on September 7th, 2016.

 Miss Aria was born 3 months early due to a placental abrubtion and is such a little fighter!  So is her young hot mama!  Molly, Connor and Aria are now living together as a family of three in their first home!

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Be sure to check out  Molly's Blog where she posts all her updates and cute little family from across the pond!  Next Thursday we will be posting on my blog about our pregnancies!  Symptoms, routine check ups, surprising moments and all the good stuff!

Mom's all over the world should unite and support each other!  We should celebrate our differences and support one another!  This online community is so amazing and I am so thankful to have an opportunity to create lasting friendships with Mom's just like Molly.  Because of you women reading this, I constantly feel surrounded by an army of women who share in my joys and struggles while I navigate motherhood.  I appreciate each and every one of you and hope you come read next week where I will share the moment of finding out I was pregnant with TWINS and Molly's scary premature delivery!

The Year I Became a Mother

This year was one I will never forget.  It was full of lessons of life, love, and selflessness.  The year began while I was pregnant with twin girls and we were full of wonder at the thought of soon being parents.  I have started this blog post over and over again.  rewriting and erasing what I have wrote.  I wanted to write something that would capture all the moments of growth and lessons of this year.  Something for myself to read back on and appreciate just how far I have grown as an individual, wife and mother.  I also wanted to relate to all the new or soon to be mothers out there.  If you gave birth to a beautiful baby boy or girl, CONGRATULATIONS!  You just experienced one of the most beautiful years of your life.  I gave birth to two precious baby girls and cannot believe how much I have learned becoming their mother.

 This year I learned that I could love someone I had never met.

 I felt a tiny human, or two, dancing around inside me and I loved them both so much.  I wanted to protect them, and so started my lessons of selflessness.  Such as not TOO hot of baths or caffeine.  I am a caffeine-aholic so putting these two humans lives above my own, that was a lesson I learned early on.  In all honesty, I cannot believe how fast I let go of any and all things that were possibly threatening to my twins.  I realized I had this will power I didn't know was inside me!  Little to no caffeine.  No hot baths.  No alcohol.  No cold sandwiches.  The list goes on and on!  Thanks to this year, and my two baby girls, I learned that I could put someone else before myself.  I was able to be important to someone.  Responsible to someone.  A job that most parents do not take lightly.  It was an emotion, a love that I had never experienced before.  Any of you mothers reading this understand.  Your child comes before anything, before you even meet them!  You would give your left arm to hold them in your right.  I honestly did not know I was capable of such a love, but the moment I heard two perfect heartbeats, I was consumed by love for two perfect strangers.

This year I learned I was more maternal than I thought.

Two humans, that I grew at the same time, were placed in my arms!  I had never been a mother before, I felt unprepared and uneducated for the job title.  I have never been responsible for anyone but myself.  I have killed way too many houseplants and goldfish and should have passed a test to be parent.  But, there I was.  Sobbing like a baby holding two brand new screaming infants and kind of freaking out.  One thing reassured me though, I recognized these two babies right away.  I knew I was their mom and they were mine forever.  We somehow felt like old friends and I realized they were not strangers after all!  While this was a nice reassurance, I was still scared to leave the hospital. While my husband was sleeping, and couldn't be woke, I was able to call a nurse to pass me my babies because I was so sore, or help me latch better.  I had women on call who would calm one baby while I was nursing the other, or feed one baby colostrum from a syringe while I nursed the other.  It was round the clock feedings and changes.  Like literally.  But once we got home and I was able to be in my own environment, I was amazed at how comfortable it felt.  I could scoop up one and then the other, get comfy on my giant breastfeeding pillow and cuddle both to sleep all by myself.  Who was I?  I felt like Supermom!  Now putting two infants down when they were so tiny and fragile...?  Not going to happen.  I was sometimes stuck somewhere for 2 hours!  I was running on little to no-sleep, was on pain killers, dealing with the pain of breastfeeding and incision pain.  How was I even functioning??  Thanks to all those wonderful post-birth hormones I was able to stay up for hours on end and function when I felt like I shouldn't be able to!

This year I learned I do not need a full night rest.

Like I mentioned before, to say I was sleep deprived would be an understatement.  I think I stayed up for 48 hours straight at the hospital because I had the twins at 9:30 PM.  I felt like I needed a full 24 hours of sleep to recover from major surgery and caring for two needy nurslings, but I also felt a weird surge of energy when I needed it most!  This stage of sleep deprivation drug on for longer than I hoped, but I learned about the power of nap.  When I got home from the hospital I immediately laid in bed and shut my eyes.  An hour and a half later I head a baby cry from the living room where my husband and family were.  I instantly jumped up feeling refreshed and new.  Who knew a little bit of rest could do that to a person?  I ran on small naps through out the day and night to keep me going for  the next few months.  I honestly look back with pure amazement at myself and how I even survived.

This year I learned how important rest is.

You may be questioning me right now because this lesson is opposite from the last, and I am questioning myself too.  Don't worry!  As a new mom I am always questioning myself, and most of you are nodding in agreement.  Also, as a new mom to twins I found myself tired and emotional.  If I hadn't had enough sleep, I was worse than a hungry, tired toddler!  I did not know this about myself, and it was shocking to see the way little sleep made me act!  I have always been easy to wake up.  I normally start the morning out singing and smiling.  Settling into my routine and planning the day.  But, with newborn twins and little steam I found myself listening to babies cry while tears stung my own eyes.  Laying in bed I would tell myself I was so exhausted.  I did not want to wake again to nurse two crying infants and rock them back to sleep.  I wanted someone to take care of me and swaddle me, rock me, feed me, burp me.  Refer to the tired toddler metaphor.  It is so embarrassingly spot on!  I would sometimes start the day out crying and overwhelmed and I had no idea why.  Was it postpartum depression?  Maybe a little.  Was it sleep-deprivation? Entirely!  I learned on those days, I needed a nap.  I would sleep when the twins did, or at least lay in bed if my mind wouldn't shut off.  The housework could wait and who needed a shower anyway, right?!  With a little more sleep I found I was able to be a better mom.  I wasn't so emotional and overwhelmed, and could see past my temporary problems.

This year I learned everything is temporary.

My 8 month old twins wake up at 6:30 AM every morning!  Do you want to know how I get myself out of bed??  I tell myself they will go down for a nap in a couple hours, and they do every time!  Do you want to know how I survived cracked, sore nipples from breastfeeding twins every two hours??  I told myself it was temporary and things would soon get better and easier.  Guess what?  Things did get better and easier.  Everything in life, sadly is temporary.  The moment I had the twins, I missed feeling them from the inside.  I missed being pregnant!  When I decide we are done nursing, I will instantly miss that too.  They want to be held and cuddled to sleep, while it is harder with two babies, I will do that!  Because soon they will be too busy for snuggles.  They will be too big to breastfeed.  They won't rely on their dad or me for help, and I will truly miss that.  So all you mothers reading this, repeat this sentence ten times if necessary.  "Everything is temporary."  It has saved me more times than I can count!  It is one important lesson I am glad I learned and can accept.  I try and apply it into my every day, multiple times a day.  Lord knows I need reminders when I have two crying babies!

This year I learned being a wife is hard.

Taking on the role of mother was a scary thought.  I tried to prepare myself in so many ways.  I remember watching so many labor stories, reading about moms who have twins and what to expect.  What I did not prepare for was my role as wife after a new title was thrown in the mix.  I remember feeling so out of touch with my husband.  Writing this now, seems odd because we are so happy and worked through this rough patch, but I remember thinking I missed him even though he was in the room.  I wanted to just hug him and cry and tell him how much I loved him and needed him, but there felt like this great distance between us.  I don't know where it came from.  Maybe just my focus being on my girls and not on him, but one day realized there was a problem and I didn't know how to fix it.  I felt so many new emotions trying to figure out why I was distant from my husband.  He worked so hard for us and our family.  That's what I loved most about him but also what I hated most.  I was drowning in diapers and tears from 3 girls (mine included) while I tried to learn how to best manage two babies.  I found myself resentful that he didn't know my struggles.  That he wasn't around to help more.  One night I laid in bed and just starting crying next to him.  He asked what was wrong and pulled me close.  Suddenly the barrier I put up was gone.  I missed him.  I wanted to laugh with him and talk with him and play with him like we used to.  I missed us and we both agreed things needed to change.  Date nights now occur monthly.  He does more with the twins and is home earlier a few nights a week.  I can honestly say that we have grown stronger from our struggles.

This year I learned I am capable of so much.

At one time my body held three heads, three hearts, and six arms and legs!  How??  I became large and uncomfortable and mentally I was done, but my body was stronger than I thought.  I had twins that were born at almost 37 weeks.  No NICU time and we came home a family of four.  I learned to breastfeed two babies at the same time.  Carry two babies at the same time.  Hold two babies at the same time and carry more than an arm full. (Bumbo's, two carseats, diaper bag, purse, etc.)  I am a wide load and need warning noises for when I come through!  I can be a nurse, a rocket ship, a mother, a wife, a daughter, noise maker, photographer, housemaid, chef, and rockstar all in one day.  Mothers are strong.  Even if you stay home all day, with no "real work" (I'll punch someone who says that), you have a million job titles to uphold.  You are strong.  You are capable.  I hope you all get to experience such a pride in yourselves over the jobs you are able to take on, and the beautiful children you raise.  It isn't prideful all the time.  I still wipe butts all day, every day.  Not much pride in that!

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

I say goodbye to this year with tears in my eyes.  2016 was a year that is so bittersweet to say goodbye to.  The year I became a mother.  A job title that will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I learned so much and am so grateful to be the mother to two perfect girls made for me.  I wish you all the best of luck in the New Year.  May it be filled with lessons of love and life.  Thanks for following along on my blog.  I hope to share more posts soon!